How Does Asking Better Questions Lead to a Better Life?

Guest blog by Deanna Moffitt

Deanna Moffitt is a coach, consultant, and instructor in the Lumia Life Coach Training program. Her superpower is helping people turn “What if” into “Why not.” Deanna elevates their experience in life and leadership through the power of their conversations, questions, and decisions. She has helped folks at companies including Google, American Express, DocuSign, Microsoft, Viacom, and Marriott, as well as hundreds of individual clients outside of the corporate world. 

You can check out her work at deannamoffitt.com

Every Question You Ask Paves the Way to Where You’ll Go Next

The questions you ask yourself are the fuel to your experience.

Let’s let that settle in for a second because, at the surface, that sounds like something you’d see on Instagram; push the "Like" button and then scroll on, paying little attention.

But this is so much deeper. It’s at the core of what we do as coaches. We help people unravel their thinking process through the power of our questioning. 

Sometimes I’ll use the analogy of unpacking a Thinking Suitcase after a long trip. We open up the suitcase of our client’s mind and unpack their thinking with them. 

• What is an old belief they can toss into the dirty clothes? 
• What’s a clean and pristine belief that you’re aware that you could put on and wear, but you never do; you don’t think it’s going to fit. 
• What is that surprise at the bottom of the suitcase? You forgot about this beautiful piece of art you brought back, and when you put it on the wall, it gives your room a whole new perspective. 

Our ability to ask questions and then hold space for our clients as the unraveling and rewiring of their thinking process begins is critical. 

If we can shift their perspective on their world, their lives will change.

That’s some powerful stuff!

All of that is great if you’re a coach. But I also want to talk to those of you reading this post who aren’t coaches…yet. The people reading the Lumia Coaching blog to learn more about what we do, and if you might be interested in this thing called coaching. 

I know for sure that going through an effective coaching program and engaging with the materials will change your life. 

But what if I told you that without spending a dollar, you could begin that process right now by asking YOURSELF better questions.

How many times do you catch yourself asking questions like:

• “What is wrong with me?”
• “Why can’t I ever do things right the first time?”
• “Why isn’t my life going the way I thought it would?”

If this is you, please pause here, go back and reread the first line of this post. 

You see, your brain LOVES to answer the questions you give it. So, when you feed it terrible questions like, “What’s wrong with me?”... it’s going to find the answers. That’s what brains do.

And because these questions are small, frequently asked, and limiting, you’re going to get answers back quickly. 

My friends, you’ll get the answers you seek. 

You will then have to live into those responses. I don’t know about you, but I can already feel my energy draining.

This is why we need to spend more thoughtful time upfront formulating a better question. 

Imagine the different responses you might get from your brain with questions like: 

• “Imagine three years into the future... what does my ideal life look like?” 
• “What are the feelings I would like to experience more often?” 
• “If I could craft my perfect day, what would that look like?” 

Asking positive, future-focused questions puts our minds into the space of creating. 

If you took a look around your right now, EVERYTHING you lay your eyes on started with a question! The laptop you’re reading this on, the phone you’re holding in your hand, the socks you’re wearing. The question of “How do I do, make, or create X.” 

Creating the life you want for yourself is no different. 

You have to be able to ask better questions and then be patient. Because unlike the small, often-asked, limiting questions - your mind has to work a little harder for these answers. 

Not having the answers right away is often the thing that stops people from asking in the first place. We’re supposed to have all of the answers, right? 

Trust that your mind will come up with an answer for these more empowering, better questions. It may not be right away. But there'll be a moment when you’re in the shower or walking your dog, or on a long drive, and the answer shows up. You just have to be willing to ask. 

Remember, your questions fuel the experience of creation. 

But questions also fuel the experience of depression, sadness, anger, rage. “What is wrong with them?”, “Why can’t they drive, right?”, “Why are humans so terrible to each other?” 

In either case, the moment you ask yourself the question, you begin driving towards your experience. It can either be an act of creation or negativity. 

So let me ask you a couple of questions: 

“What is something you do really well, that if you got to do it regularly it would create a sense of immense satisfaction in your life?” 

And... 

“What’s one small thing you could do today to get you headed in that direction?” 

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